


Dear Buddy

by QianLan



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Falling In Love, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pen Pals, Pre-TFA, Secret Identity, Shop Around the Corner AU, post-TFA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 09:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QianLan/pseuds/QianLan
Summary: Poe doesn’t know exactly why he decides to sign up for “Galactic Lonelyhearts,” a service that anonymously pairs you with other beings from across the galaxy, but he certainly isn’t looking for love.  No, he just wants someone to talk to, and when he meets “Finn,” another member of the service, the two hit it off.Really hit it off.But then the search for Lor San Tekka and the subsequent battles between the Resistance and the First Order start to get in the way of his budding relationship with his new pen pal.Plus, as if things weren't already complicated enough, there’s his crush on one of the newest members of the Resistance...





	Dear Buddy

**Author's Note:**

> So, the other night, I was watching _She Loves Me_ , the Broadway musical based on _The Shop Around the Corner_ , which has also spawned the films _In the Good Old Summertime_ and _You've Got Mail_ and I thought: "Hmmmmmm, what if Poe and Finn had been pen pals before they met..."
> 
> And this fic was born.

 

 

Poe looked around his room.  Even though he lived alone, he still felt like someone could see him.

 

 _Jess_ , he thought, checking again.  _It’s always Jess._

 

Poe bit his lip and started filling out the form on his datapad.

 

_I can’t believe I’m doing this._

 

He’d heard about “Galactic Lonelyhearts” late one night in the cantina with some of the other pilots.  The service paired anonymous beings from across the galaxy.  You didn’t upload pictures or use your real name, and the idea was that, depending on what level of friendship you were looking for, you could trade messages, talk over comms, or perhaps eventually even meet up.  Ideally, you’d get to know each other without all the baggage of how you looked or where you were from getting in the way, and in a galaxy where there were hundreds of different humanoid species in the middle of a very messy not-quite-war, that was very appealing to Poe.

 

In reality, though, it didn’t always turn out well.  Beings lied.  Communication was stilted and awkward; sometimes it never happened.  Or the service paired you with someone totally inappropriate.  In fact, the story Snap had been telling in the cantina was about a friend-of-a-friend who’d gone looking for a mistress on Galactic Lonelyhearts and somehow managed to get paired with his mother-in-law.

 

Everyone had laughed.  Including Poe.

 

But then, he couldn’t get Galactic Lonelyhearts out of his head.

 

Something about the idea of trading messages—having someone out there to talk to, someone who wasn’t bogged down in the Resistance, someone who didn’t know him as “Poe Dameron, son of Shara Bey and Kes Dameron,” someone with whom he could just be himself—drew Poe in.

 

Which was why on a random Taungsday night, he was staring at his datapad and setting up an account.

 

_Name: Poe Dameron_

_  
Age…_  He scrolled through the options and clicked on 30-40 standard years.

 

_User name?_

_User name?  Kriff, what in the fragging hell am I supposed to…_   He licked his lips and typed in “Black One.”  And then to the invisible Jessika he knew was lurking somewhere in his room, he muttered, “Don’t judge me.”

 

_Species: Human_

 

 _Looking for…_   He scrolled through the options:  Friendly Correspondence, Correspondence about Intellectual Topics, Friends with Benefits, Romantic Relationship—Long Distance, Romantic Relationship in Real Life, Romantic Correspondence, Other.  _Other?  What in the kriff is other?_

 

He clicked on “friendly correspondence” with a groan, checking once again to make sure Pava hadn’t somehow materialized in his room.

 

 _Interested in…_   He scrolled through the various gender and species options.  _Seriously,_ he frowned.  _Isn’t there just an option for as long as you’re willing to talk, I don’t care about the rest?_   Finally, he found something close enough to work.

 

Poe finished the questionnaire and then held his breath as he started searching through the profiles of the eligible beings the system had returned as possible matches.

 

**# # # #**

 

FN-2187 sat at a terminal during the late shift.  Every week for the past several months, he had worked at least one shift sifting through communications to and from _The Finalizer_ , looking for any signs of insubordination or treasonous activity.

 

It was mind-numbingly boring, as the computers themselves did most of the work, and he had quickly learned how to trick the system so that it appeared he was working when he was actually surfing the holonet.  It wasn’t like there were any officers around during the late shift anyway.  Which meant that he’d spent the last few months surreptitiously scrolling through images of cute animals and watching vids of the latest popular songs from around the galaxy. 

 

Then, two weeks ago, when even vids of baby wampas weren’t curing his boredom, he’d stumbled upon the Galactic Lonelyhearts site. 

 

He knew he shouldn’t, but FN-2187 was so kriffing lonely.  Even with his squad mates, he felt…isolated, different.  He longed for someone to talk to.  So, last week, he’d made a profile under the user name “Finn,” and tonight, he was going to see if there were any potential matches.

 

**# # # #**

 

Every user wrote a little something about themselves at the end of their profile, and Poe found that most of the users on the site sounded completely kriffing boring or way too desperate. 

 

Still, he was a being of hope, so he kept on clicking.

 

After about an hour, he stumbled onto the profile of “Finn.”

 

Finn described himself as loyal, caring, and sincere, but said that for most of his life, he’d been chafing against the armor life had foisted upon him.

 

Poe smiled at that.  _Deep._

 

“Most of the people around me think I’m something I’m not, someone I’m not.  Sometimes I want so hard to be one of them and other times, I think I want to break out of this trap and go see the galaxy,” Poe read aloud.  _Hmmmm…_   There was something about this guy that Poe liked.

 

He clicked on the message button.

 

_Dear Buddy,_

_It would feel strange calling you Finn, as I don’t know you…yet.  But I have to say, I liked your profile.  You can read mine, if you’d like; I’ve basically been rebelling all my life—but in the most expected ways possible.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love what I do, believe in it with all my heart, but…I keep thinking there should be more.  Or maybe I should be more, if that makes any sense?_

_Anyway, if you’re interested, I hope you’ll write me back.  I have an erratic schedule, but I promise I’ll reply if you respond._

_Sincerely,_

_Black One_

 

**# # # #**

 

Finn read the message six times, memorizing it.

 

He smiled and quickly typed out a reply, ever mindful that his shift was nearly over.

 

_Dear Buddy,_

_I like calling each other buddy.  It keeps things friendly and light, and we don’t even know each other yet, do we?_

_Anyway, I know what you mean about feeling like you should be more.  I keep feeling like I should be doing more, but everyone keeps saying I’m wrong to want that and…  It’s so kriffing terrifying when your heart tells you one thing and everyone around you says something else._

_But I don’t want to talk about that._

_In fact, I hope it’s okay, but if you decide you want to keep writing me, I’d like to propose some rules._

  * _We stick to our usernames and “buddy.”_
  * _No talk about work. Or at least, you don’t tell me what you do and I won’t tell you what I do._
  * _No specifics. No pictures.  No identifying marks.  No locations._



_In other words, I’d like us not to get bogged down in the things that usually distract beings._

_Does that work for you?_

_Best,_

_Finn_

 

**# # # #**

 

_Dear Buddy,_

_I think your rules are fine, and I’d like to add one: no pressure.  Sometimes I have to be away for days or weeks and believe me, I’m gonna want to write, but I won’t be able to, so if there’s a lag between messages, I want us to understand.  Okay?_

_Assuming it is, I guess I can tell you a bit about my day—nothing that would break the rules, but just something cute that happened to me today while I was talking to a friend…_

 

**# # # #**

“Black One” and “Finn” continued writing back and forth for the next two months, and while at first, their messages had been tentative—talking about their days in a very general way—by the fourth week of messages, things were getting more personal and there were the first hints of flirtation: a compliment here, quoted song lyrics there, a double entendre…or two or three. 

 

**# # # #**

_Dear Finn,_

_Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming.  Because of the rules, I can’t tell you why, but what happened haunts me.  Everyone who was there says I can’t blame myself—and in my head, I know they’re right—but my heart hurts, and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that if I’d been faster or smarter or just plain better, things would’ve turned out differently._

_Sorry, buddy, if this is too much, but you’re the one being in the universe who seems to get what I’m talking about, and you aren’t here to give me that concerned look and pat me on the back and tell me I’m being too hard on myself—all the stuff that makes me want to scream._

_That’s why I pretend everything is okay.  That I’m calm and cool and confident.  Because I hate those looks.  But the truth is, I’m not confident or cool.  I feel like a failure a lot of the time, like people get hurt because of me and I hate that feeling of responsibility.  I hate how weighed down it makes me feel…._

 

**# # # #**

 

_Dear Black One,_

_No, don’t apologize.  I hear you.  Those looks—those pitying looks like you just don’t understand how the world really works—they make me want to scream too._

_Why is it so wrong to care?_

_My friends keep telling me that no one else is my responsibility, to ignore that voice in my head that tells me I should help.  It’s always supposed to be about taking care of yourself, you know?  And yeah, it’s like my head and my heart are warring and I’m caught in the middle._

_Thank goodness you get it.  Because I hate how alone I feel…_

 

**# # # #**

 

By the third month, all pretense was gone.  Their discussions were intimate and they were openly flirting. 

 

It soon got to the point where the best part of either of their weeks was the time when they could read each other’s messages. 

 

**# # # #**

 

_Dear Finn,_

_I was on this planet today and saw the most beautiful sunset.  The sky was purple and green and it slowly sank into this dark color, like Dandoran wine, and I can’t remember the last time I had the time to just stop and watch something like that, and it’s crazy, but I was kind of sad you weren’t there to see it with me…_

 

**# # # #**

 

_Dear Black One,_

_I don’t get a lot of free time, but as I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about your last message and that story about the magical tree in your backyard, and I had the best dream.  I was floating in the branches of this tree with silvery glowing leaves and everything felt light and happy and I knew that you were somewhere nearby.  It was the best kriffing dream I’ve ever had…_

 

**# # # #**

 

By the end of four months, both were faced with a problem…

 

**# # # #**

 

_Dear Finn,_

_Do you ever wonder what it would be like to meet?  Because, I have to tell you…_

 

**# # # #**

_Dear Black One,_

_Sometimes I imagine leaving my life and running away with you to that place with the purple sunset.  I don’t have anything planned out past that, but sometimes, when things get rough, I close my eyes and think about it and I can breathe again…_

 

**# # # #**

 

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” Karé said, trying to keep a straight face.  “After hearing Snap’s story, you actually signed up for an account with Galactic Lonelyhearts and then you met somebody?”

 

“Yeah,” Poe said, shaking his head.  “I wasn’t looking for…”  Poe sighed.  “It was only supposed to be as friends, you see, and…”  A smile spread across his face.  “But he’s wonderful.  He’s smart and funny and…”  He closed his eyes.  “And he doesn’t know that I’m with the Resistance and I have no idea who he is or what he does or…”

 

“Kriff, Poe!  For all you know, it could be Kylo Ren!”  Karé was giggling now.

 

“It’s not Kylo Ren.”

 

“But you know what I mean,” she said. 

 

“I know,” Poe groaned.  “I can’t tell him who I am or what I do, but,” he whined, “I think I love him.”

 

Karé choked on her drink.  “Are you insane?”

 

Poe nodded.  “Totally.”

 

Karé shook her head.  “What you need to do is find a real-life being in the here and now and get laid.”

 

“No,” Poe said.

 

“Poe,” she started.

 

“No,” he said.  “I know it’s crazy.  I know there is no kriffing way it can work out, but…”  He wore a soft smile on his face.   “There’s something about him, Karé.”

 

“Oh man, you have it bad.”

 

“I do.”

 

Karé lifted her glass.  “To the being who stole Poe’s heart.  I hope they aren’t a seventy-year old Hutt!”

 

Poe lifted his glass, thinking to himself _, to Finn._ And then, _yeah, please don’t be a Hutt._

**# # # #**

 

FN-2187 knew that his squad would be ready to see real action soon, and he was dreading that as it probably meant his time monitoring transmissions was coming to an end.  And that meant…

 

 _I’ve gotten too attached_ , he thought as he went through the motions of morning exercises.  _I should’ve never let it get this far._

 

_I think I love him._

 

He closed his eyes, taking in a long breath _.  I am so fragging kriffed._

They got a new assignment that afternoon.  Currently, they were being moved around in different temporary assignments to test their ability to adapt.  This week, they were going to be guarding a facility on Hargeeva.  There were reports of Resistance activity in the area, so Finn’s squadron was being brought in as extra security.

 

_A change of scenery will do me good, help me forget about him._

 

FN-2187 sighed, knowing that it wasn’t going to be that easy.

 

**# # # #**

 

Arginall City on Hargeeva wasn’t a bad place, necessarily, but with the luck that Poe and Black Squadron were having getting to Lor San Tekka, he was already hating it.

 

_Can’t we just find this guy already?_

 

Jess and Karé were up ahead.  Snap was back with the ship, and all Poe needed to do was duck into one last shady looking cantina and see if Lor San Tekka was, actually, still here or if he had— _sigh_ —already moved on.

 

As Poe turned the corner, he spotted Karé and Jess, doing their best to blend into the crowd, and about twenty feet behind them, a squad of Stormtroopers, who seemed to be doing a standard sweep of the area.  Poe tried to catch Jess’ eye, but to no avail, so he kept moving.  _Please see the big bad Stormtroopers.  Please have enough sense to get away from here._

 

He walked into the bar and sure enough, Lor San Tekka was gone, but the owner of the bar—an old friend of Lando Calrissian’s—slipped Poe a datachip that had information on where the old man was headed next.

 

Poe smiled as he pocketed the information, thanking his host.  He was about to leave the bar when he spotted the Stormtroopers in the entryway.  One of them spied him and yelled “Stop!”

 

On instinct, Poe took off out the back, thankful that there was, indeed, a back door to the place.

 

**# # # #**

 

FN-2187 didn’t know why, but he just knew that the guy in the back of the bar was up to no good, and that was all but confirmed when the guy started running.  FN-2187 took off after him, telling the others to try to cut him off from the other direction.

 

 _This is crazy_ , FN-2187 thought to himself.  But something about the guy was bugging him.  He pushed himself to run as fast as he could, already panting at having to maneuver through the tight streets in his bulky armor.

 

And FN-2187 had to admit, this guy was good.  FN-2187 was following him through back alleys and side streets and the guy had very nearly lost him a few times, but not yet.

 

The guy ducked into the market and started overturning stalls and throwing merchandise at him, but FN-2187 was determined to catch him.  He wasn’t going to let this guy get away.  No matter what.

 

The guy grabbed a bowl of something sticky and hot, hurtling it back at FN-2187 and splattering his armor.  _Okay, I really hate this guy now!_   “Stop,” he yelled.  “Stop in the name of the First Order!”

 

“Not gonna happen, buddy,” the guy yelled back.  “How about you go back and find your fascist friends and go kill a bunch of innocents or something?  That’s what you guys do, right?”  He threw a rug at FN-2187.

 

“Seriously,” FN-2187 yelled, dodging it.  “A rug!”

 

FN-2187 smiled.  He was getting closer to the guy and they were about to be on open ground.  _I’m going to get you, you jerk, and I’m going to enjoy throwing you into the brig._  He reached out and could almost touch the guy’s shirt when something hard hit his head and he went down.

 

**# # # #**

  
Poe was still catching his breath as he slid into the co-pilot’s seat. 

 

“Tell me again, how you happened to find the only Stormtroopers on the entire kriffing planet,” Snap asked.

 

“I don’t know,” Poe said.  “Can we take off already?”  He turned and looked at Karé and Jess.  “Thank you.”

 

“No problem,” Karé said.  Thankfully, she and Jess had managed to get ahead of Poe and the Stormtrooper pursuing him and Jess had gotten in a lucky shot with a trash can.

 

“Yeah, I’m shocked that rug didn’t work,” Jess said with a snicker.

 

Poe shook his head.  _Stupid kriffing buckethead._

 

**# # # #**

 

_Dear Finn,_

_Ever have one of those days when nothing goes right?  I know we can’t talk about work, but let me tell you, today, I had a run in with the biggest jerk possible and quite honestly, I’m still kriffing angry about it…_

 

Poe’s hands were shaking as he typed out the message.

 

**# # # #**

 

FN-2187’s leg jiggled up and down.  _Stupid, kriffing, moof-milker._  

 

He couldn’t quit thinking about the guy in the marketplace and the guy’s stupid friends who’d gotten the drop on him.  The whole thing had been humiliating, and Captain Phasma had sent the whole squadron back to _The Finalizer_ early, threatening to move FN-2187 back to the sanitation rotation if anything like that happened again.

 

_Kriff!_

 

The computer dinged to indicate it was searching through the appropriate files.  FN-2187 looked around to make sure no one was watching and then he clicked on the Galactic Lonelyhearts site.

 

He knew it was a big risk, given his extraordinary screw-up on Hargeeva, but he had to see.

 

There was a message waiting for him.

 

His leg quit jiggling.  He smiled.

 

**# # # #**

 

_…I know exactly what you are talking about.  There was a guy at my job yesterday who nearly got me demoted, and it was so frustrating because he was clearly not as well trained or as smart as I am and he still managed to beat me._

_Sorry!  I know we aren’t supposed to talk about work, but it’s frustrating when you aren’t even sure about what you’re doing and then some moof-milker comes along and humiliates you._

_But I will say that having a message from you waiting for me made everything feel so much better._

_Just seeing that little indicator on my screen that tells me I have a message from you is enough to turn even the worst day into one of the best._

_Thanks._

_Love,_

_Finn_

 

**# # # #**

 

Finn blinked after he pressed send.  _Did I sign that “Love, Finn”?_

_Oh kriffing crap!  I did._

_Oh no._

_Oh no._

_What if I scare him away?_

_What if he doesn’t feel that way about me?_

_What if I’ve ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me?_

Finn’s breath caught, and then another thought took hold, _what if I didn’t?_

 

He stopped and smiled.  _What if Black One feels the same way?_

 

**# # # #**

 

Poe re-read the message two hundred and forty-six times over the next eleven hours.

 

 _Love, Finn_ , he repeated in his head all the next day.  _Love, Finn._

 

“Dameron?”

 

“Dameron?”

 

“DAMERON!”

 

Poe jerked out of his trance.  “Yes, ma’am?  Sorry, ma’am.”

 

The General smiled.  “Thoughts elsewhere?”

 

“Ummmmm, no?”

 

She rolled her eyes, handing Poe a piece of flimsi.  “The intel you recovered on Hargeeva tells us that Lor San Tekka is on Jakku, and we’re fairly certain that this time, he is actually there, and most likely waiting for you.”  She smiled.  “Seems word has gotten out that we’re looking for him.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Well,” Leia said.  “Yes and no.  Yes, in that he’s probably going to sit still long enough for you to find him, but no, in that it means that the Order will be close behind.”

 

“True,” Poe said, frowning, remembering Hargeeva.

 

“So, what I want you to do is to fly Black One to Yavin and trade it for an un-marked X-wing that we’ll have there waiting for you.  Go to Jakku, to the coordinates on that flimsi and get the information from Tekka.  But Poe,” she said, concern evident in her voice.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“This is deep undercover.  If you’re captured or—”

 

“I understand,” he said.

 

Leia reached out and squeezed his arm.  “May the Force be with you.”

 

**# # # #**

 

FN-2187 was nervous for a host of reasons. 

 

One, there was the fact that he hadn’t been able to fire on the miners in Pressy’s Tumble, which meant that this mission to Jakku was probably the last test before Phasma reconditioned him.

 

Two, he knew he was going to fail this test because there was no way he was going to shoot unarmed civillians, which meant that…  _There is no good outcome here, is there?_

 

And three, for some reason, he kept thinking about Black One, who was going to open up Galactic Lonelyhearts next week and not get a message from Finn.  In fact, it was pretty damn likely that Black One was never going to hear from Finn again.

 

_That is, if I didn’t scare him away._

 

FN-2187 closed his eyes as the transport jostled through atmo.  _No, don’t think like that.  He has to feel the same way._

_He just has to._

_Right?_

“Ready your blasters,” came the order from the front.

 

 _At least I got to tell him I love him_ , FN-2187 thought as the transport set down on Jakku.

 

**# # # #**

 

Finn had plenty of time to think in the desert, but his thoughts were a jumble.  There was his elation at surviving the crash and getting out of the First Order.  There was the profound sadness at losing Poe.  There was the hope that he might be able to find a comm terminal and contact Black One.  There was the fear that he was going to die in the desert.

 

And then there was the one thought that kept bugging him.  _He called me Finn._

 

Finn hoisted the leather jacket up over his head again and scanned the horizon.  _Nothing._   He shook his head and kept walking, his thoughts going back to his escape in the TIE fighter with Poe.  _I know I didn’t tell him my name was Finn._

 

_He said that._

_But how?_

_Maybe it’s a common name?_

_Maybe I did say it?_

 

Finn pushed his parched lips together and kept walking.

 

_How did he know I was Finn?_

**# # # #**

 

Poe sat in Black One feeling guilty that he was alive and that the beautiful, brave Stormtrooper had died.  He closed his eyes as the ship sailed through hyperspace on its way to Takodana.

 

_And why in the kriff did I have to call him Finn?_

_What in the hell was I thinking?_

 

He smiled.  _Finn._

 

He’d had a moment in the interrogation chair when he was pretty certain he was going to die and the thought that he’d never get a chance to tell Finn he loved him was high on his list of regrets.  _But now_ , Poe thought to himself _.  I’m gonna tell him the first chance I get._

 

**# # # #**

 

Poe sat next to the stasis chamber they’d put Finn in and rubbed his hands over his face.  He looked over at his friend.  He knew that Finn was stable, that Dr. Kalonia was simply letting his body heal, but…  Poe closed his eyes.

 

It hadn’t helped that since he’d sent his very brief message to the other Finn— _I love you.  Just thought you should know_ —he hadn’t heard anything.

 

 _It hasn’t been that long_ , he thought to himself.

 

_And I was the one who said that sometimes our messages might be delayed._

_No pressure._

 

_Exactly.  No pressure._

 

Poe pulled on his hair.  _What if he was in the Hosnian system?_

_Kriff._

_What if…_

_No, stop_.  He stared back over at the Finn right next to him.  _Just focus on something else.  He’ll write when he can._

_Nothing bad happened to him._

 

Poe put his hand on Finn’s stasis chamber.  “Buddy,” he whispered.  “I really wish you’d wake up.  I could use someone to talk to.”

 

**# # # #**

 

**Two months later…**

Finn leaned back against one of the cool stone walls of the new Resistance base and closed his eyes.

 

It was very nearly the first time in months when he hadn’t been running or fighting, and he could finally catch his breath.

 

He’d woken up from his coma in the middle of a First Order attack and the evacuation of D’Qar.  Then, there’d been the mission to Canto Bight with Rose and infiltrating the First Order and very nearly getting killed.  _Sorry, Phasma.  Maybe next time_ , he thought with a smile.  But, thankfully, Poe and Rey had shown up at just the right moment, and then there had been the spectacular battle of Crait.

 

Since then, Kylo Ren had disappeared and they’d lost contact with Rey—although Finn knew in his bones that she was okay—and the General had gone to the Outer Rim on a secret mission with her brother.  Since Holdo was gone, Leia left Poe in charge of what was left of the Resistance.

 

 _And_ , Finn frowned, _that isn’t much these days._

 

The Resistance had been hit hard, and they desperately needed time to regroup.  Somehow, they’d managed to find an out-of-the-way system that was off the Order’s radar, and they had repurposed an abandoned school on a jungle planet for their new base.  Most of the bunks were in classrooms or even out in the halls.  There wasn’t much privacy to be had, but things were quiet at the moment.

 

And after nearly two months of relentless fighting and so many losses, everyone was taking a moment to breathe.

 

Finn chuckled to himself.  _Well, everyone but Poe._

 

Finn frowned.  _Poe._

 

He let out a sigh and looked around.  He desperately wanted someone to talk to, but…  Every being in his immediate vicinity looked so worn out and beaten down that it didn’t feel right to be whining about his love life.

 

Even though that was exactly what Finn wanted to do.

 

Right now, Poe was in the command center with what was left of the Resistance’s top brass.  Technically, Finn fit that bill now, having been promoted to Commander in the wake of their losses on Crait, but Poe had insisted he get some sleep.

 

 _Poe._   Finn shook his head.

 

_What to do about Poe?_

 

He closed his eyes and wondered what Black One was doing now.  If he ever thought about Finn or if he’d been...

 

 _No_ , Finn thought, _he wasn’t in the Hosnian System.  I’d know._

 

He let his head fall forward.  _I can’t be in love with two different guys._

_I just can’t._

Finn took a deep breath and faced the truth: _But I am._

 

He sighed and pushed off his cot, walking towards the mess. 

 

The problem was, Poe was so kriffing busy leading the Resistance and Black One was…  Finn shook his head.  _He probably hates me._   Finn hadn’t been able to log back on to Galactic Lonelyhearts since before Jakku. 

 

_I mean, either he was uncomfortable when I told him I loved him, or he liked the idea but has figured I’m a flake since I haven’t talked to him in over two months._

_Kriff!_

 

He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped his mug of caf tight as he sat down, wishing that he could reach out, but knowing that the Resistance’s existence depended on radio silence.

 

“Well, you look like bantha fodder.”

 

Finn opened his eyes.  Jess and Rose were standing in front of him.  “Thanks, Jess.”

 

She smiled.  “Any time.”  She bumped her shoulder into Rose’s and nodded to Finn.  "He does, right?"

 

Rose rolled her eyes and turned to Finn.  “What is it?”

 

Finn grabbed his mug even tighter, lowering his eyes.  “Nothing.”

 

Jess motioned to the empty mess.  “Finn, there’s no one else here.”

 

“And it’s definitely something,” Rose said. 

 

“Come on,” Jess said, “spill!”  The two women sat down across from him.

 

“Fine,” he said with a sigh.  “I have a…romantic problem.”

 

Jess was clearly excited.  “Oooooooh!”

 

“No,” Finn said, making to rise.

 

“Finn,” Rose said, grabbing his arm.  “Come on.  She’s just playing.”  She turned to Jess.  "Right?"

 

"Yeah, Finn.  Playing."

 

He sat back down.  “Fine.”  Finn scratched the top of his head, refusing to look them in the eye. “So, uh, before I left the Order, I might have had an account on Galactic Lonelyhearts.”

 

Jess snorted.

 

“Jess,” Rose warned.

 

“Sorry!  Sorry.”

 

“Anyway, like I said, I might have had an account there, and I might have had this… _friend_ that I cared a lot about.”

 

“Another Stormtrooper,” Rose asked.

 

“I don’t think so, but I don’t know.”

 

Rose frowned.  “You don’t know?”

 

Finn shook his head.  “No names, no locations, no occupations.”

 

“Kriff,” Jess said.

 

“I know.  But,” Finn smiled, “that stuff didn’t matter.”

 

Jess raised an eyebrow.

 

“We connected on another level,” Finn said.

 

Jess couldn’t help her smile.  “Oh kriff, you have it bad.”

 

Finn nodded.  “That’s the problem.  I haven’t been able to write him in two months.”

 

“Oh,” Jess said, suddenly deflating.  “That sucks.”

 

“Yeah,” Finn said, sipping his caf.  “Plus, there’s the other thing.”

 

“The other thing,” Rose asked.

 

Finn looked at the two of them and leaned forward.  “If I tell you this, you can’t tell anyone else, okay?”

 

“Sure,” Rose said.

 

“I mean it,” Finn said, his eyes fixed on Jess.

 

“Fine,” Jess said.  “Yes, I promise.”

 

Finn took a deep breath.  “Well, there’s the fact that I can’t write Black One, but there’s also the—”

 

Jess looked confused.  “Black One?”

 

“Oh kriff.  Yeah, that was his user name.  Black One.”

 

Jess chuckled.  “That’s funny.”

 

“Why?”

 

Jess said, “That was the name of Poe’s X-wing.  The one that blew up?  He called her Black One.  You know, she was black and he was Black Leader and all.”

 

Finn smiled and was about to say, _that’s a strange coincidence_ , when it hit him.  “Finn,” he whispered. 

 

“Yes,” Rose said.

 

“He called me Finn.”

 

“Who did,” Rose said, confused.  “Poe?”

 

“Yes,” Finn said, suddenly realizing.  “Oh kriffing hell!  Poe is Black One!”

 

“Well, technically, we called him Black Leader,” Jess said, “but—”

 

“No.  Poe is Black One.”

 

“Black One.  As in?”  Jess’ face went red and a huge smile spread across it.  Even Rose was trying to hide a smile.  Jess began to laugh.  “Poe is your mystery man?  Are you sure?”

 

Finn nodded.  “I can’t be 100% until I talk to him but…”  He instantly deflated.  “Kriff, what if he doesn’t…”  He let his head fall to the table.  “What if it was one sided?  What if he didn’t like Finn?”

 

“Wait, Finn?”  Jess looked from Finn to Rose.  “As in?”

 

Finn said, “I called myself Finn on the site and then in the TIE, Poe named me Finn and I honestly didn’t put it together until afterwards and I thought it was a coincidence and…”

 

Jess was howling with laughter now.  “Oh, I am NEVER letting him live this down!”  She rose.

 

“Jess,” Rose snapped, grabbing the other woman’s arm and jerking her back down.

 

“Oh yeah, right.  Secret.”  She studied Finn.  “Well, it seems to me that you have to find out how Poe feels about Finn, er, the Finn from Galactic Lonelyhearts.”

 

“Yeah,” Finn said with absolutely zero confidence.

 

Jess and Rose traded a pitying look.  Then Jess leaned forward.  “That’s going to be complicated by the fact that I’m pretty sure Poe has a crush on Finn from the Resistance.”

 

“What,” Finn said, finally raising his head off the table.

 

Jess smiled.  “You heard me.”

 

“Oh kriff.”

 

“Yep,” Jess said.

 

“Kriffing kriff.”  He looked to Rose for confirmation.

 

She muttered, “Men.”  Then, she fixed Finn with a serious stare. “Yes, he’s crazy about you.  Happy?”

 

Finn burst into a wide smile.  “Yeah.”  Then he bit his lip.  “So, what do I do?”

 

“Well,” Jess said with a sly smile.  “I have an idea…”

 

**# # # #**

 

Poe actually had an office now, and he’d set up a cot in the corner but he rarely slept there.  In fact, most days, he fell asleep in random parts of the base.  Snap had found him on some crates in one of the hangers last week.  Yesterday, Karé had pushed him off one of the tables in the mess.

 

Poe sighed and stared at his cot, contemplating going over and trying to sleep like a normal being for once, but he knew what would happen if he did.  It would start out nicely enough.  He’d close his eyes and think about Finn.  _Beautiful, wonderful Finn,_ and he’d imagine what it would be like to kiss Finn and to have Finn’s hands running through his hair and then…  And then, he’d remember the first Finn.  The Finn who was probably sitting somewhere halfway across the galaxy right now wondering why Black One never wrote anything after that kriffing last message.

 

Poe closed his eyes.  _I’m sorry_ , he said to the universe.  _I wish…I wish it could be different_.  He sighed and decided to finish reading Snap’s latest reconnaissance report.

 

He didn’t even hear it when his door slid open and Finn walked in until Finn cleared his throat.

 

“Kriff,” Poe said. 

 

Finn smiled.  “Jumpy?”

 

“Being on the Order’s most wanted list will do that to a guy.”

 

“So, I guess I should be jumpy too?”

 

Poe smiled.  “Yeah, far jumpier than me.  You’re worth a lot more credits.”

 

Finn sank into the seat across from Poe’s.  “Well, I am a really big deal in the Resistance.”

 

“That’s true.”  Poe chuckled.  “So how can I help you this fine night, Commander?”

 

“Actually, I was hoping I could help you.”

 

Poe raised an eyebrow.

 

“You look dead on your feet.”

 

“Why, thanks, Finn.”

 

Finn shook his head.  “How about an hour or so to relax?  I was thinking about a walk along the perimeter.”

 

Poe held his breath.  A part of him wanted to say _no_ on principle—there really was a lot of work to do—but he also knew he was close to burning out.  Besides, it was Finn asking.  “Sure,” he said, rising.  “The air will do me good.”

 

**# # # #**

 

Poe and Finn had been walking in the cool night air for about ten minutes when Finn said, “I don’t think I ever told you, but when I was on Canto Bight with Rose, I met another being named Finn.”

 

Poe froze for a moment.  _Could it…  No._   “Really,” Poe said, trying to sound light, and failing miserably.  “Another Finn?”

 

“Yeah, human.  About your age.  Nice guy.  He and I ended up chatting for a bit.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.”  Finn chuckled.  “Poor guy was far gone on this being he’d met through Galactic Lonelyhearts.  Ever heard of it?”

 

“Yes,” Poe whispered, his heart thumping in his chest.

 

“Yeah, so anyway, we’re talking and he tells me that he’d gone on the site just looking for a friend, but he and this other being had really hit it off, traded messages every week, you know?  And before long, this guy—this other Finn—he’s falling for the mystery being.  Only he doesn’t know the being’s real name or what he does or anything, only his user name.”

 

“User name,” Poe breathed out.

 

“Yeah, it was something like Blakken or Bloke or Broke One or…”

 

“Black One?”

 

“Yeah!  That’s it!”  Finn turned to Poe.  “Is it a common user name or something?”

 

“Or something,” Poe said in shock.

 

 _You are Black One_.  Finn wanted to cheer.  Instead, he continued with his story, “Well, anyway, this other Finn thought that he and Black One had really hit it off.  They just seemed to fit, you know?  And so, this Finn guy kind of put himself out there, confessed his feelings and all, but then, nothing.”  Finn gave a theatrical sigh and shook his head.  “And this other Finn, man, was he depressed.  He hadn’t heard from his friend in a while, so he figured that Black One got bored of him and left or something.  Seemed pretty shaken up about it.”

 

“Yeah,” Poe asked, starting to feel sick.

 

“Yeah.  He was ready just to forget the whole thing.”

 

“He was?”

 

“Yeah, he said knowing his luck, Black One was probably some member of the Guavian Death Gang or something.  Said he figured he should just cut his losses.”  Finn shook his head again.  “It was a shame.”

 

“Yeah,” Poe said, feeling as if the galaxy were spinning out of control.

 

Finn glanced over, suddenly feeling very guilty about his little joke.  He reached over and put his hand on Poe’s arm.  “Uh, Poe, you don’t look so good.”

 

“What?”  Poe shook his head.  “No, I’m…I’m fine.  Really.  It’s just…”  He motioned back towards the base.  “I should really get back now.”  He pulled out of Finn’s grasp and started back the way they came.

 

“Poe?  Wait,” Finn said, ready to come clean.  “Hey, wait!”

 

Poe turned but kept walking.  “I have a lot of work to do, Finn.”

 

“Kriffing hell, Poe, wait!”  Finn shook his head.  “Would you…”  Finn called out, “Dear buddy!”

 

Poe froze mid-step.  “Dear buddy,” he whispered.

 

“Dear buddy,” Finn repeated, stepping closer.  “The sky was purple and green and it slowly sank into this dark color, like Dandoran wine, and I can’t remember the last time I had the time to just stop and watch something like that, and it’s crazy, but I was kind of sad you weren’t there to see it with me…”

 

Poe’s whole body flushed as he remembered the words he’d typed months ago.  He slowly turned.  “You?”  Poe’s breath hitched.  “You’re Finn?  That Finn?”

 

“Yeah,” Finn said, a slow smile spreading across his lips.  “I am.”

 

Poe’s mouth fell open and for several seconds, he stood there, speechless.  Finally, he stuttered out, “But…but…how?”

 

Finn smiled.  “It’s a long story, and I promise to tell you, but for right now, I was hoping that maybe….”

 

“Maybe?”

 

Finn walked forward.  “Well, the last time I talked to Black One I told him I loved him and…”

 

“And you never got my message!”  Poe rushed forward, taking Finn’s shoulders in his hands.  “Of course, you never got the kriffing message!”  He leaned in.  “I love you too.”

 

Finn smiled, taking hold of Poe’s shirt collar and tugging him forward.  “Good.  That means this won’t be too awkward then.”  He pressed his lips against Poe’s.

 

Poe wrapped his arms around Finn, pulling him even closer as the two of them sank into their kiss.

 

**# # # #**

 

A long time later, the two were walking, hand-in-hand, back to the base.  Poe looked over at Finn.  “How long were you planning on torturing me?”

 

Finn shook his head.  “Honestly, I was trying to come clean when you started to run away.”  He squeezed Poe’s hand.  “Jess said that I should—”

 

“Jess?  Oh kriff!  Jess knows?”

 

“Yes,” Finn squeaked.  “She and Rose were kind of there when I figured out who you were?”

 

“Rose too?  Kriff!”

 

“Yeah, and Jess is the one who told me your old X-wing was Black One, and that’s how I figured out…”

 

Poe sighed.  “I’m never gonna hear the end of it.”

 

Finn chuckled.  “Yeah, Jess was beyond happy to hear that you named me after me.”

 

“Oh kriff,” Poe said in horror.  “I really am never going to hear the end of it.”

 

Finn wrapped an arm around Poe’s shoulder.  “Well, I tell you what, you can always send a message to Finn and see what he thinks about all of this?  Maybe he has an idea—”

 

Poe smooshed his lips into Finn’s.  “Smart ass,” he mumbled as he pulled out of the kiss.

 

“Says the guy who named me after his crush.”

 

“It worked out, didn’t it?”

 

“You are so kriffing lucky, Dameron,” Finn said.

 

Poe moved a hand to Finn’s cheek, brushing across it with his thumb.  “I’m the luckiest being in the whole galaxy, Finn.”

 

Finn wanted to laugh.  It was the cheesiest line he’d ever heard, but Poe said it with such conviction that Finn felt his chest get tight. 

 

“Hi, buddy,” Poe said, his eyes crinkling as he smiled.

 

“Hi, buddy,” Finn said, leaning in to rub his nose against Poe’s.  “Glad to finally meet you.”  He pressed a quick kiss to Poe’s lips before the two of them started back towards the security post.

 

As they walked, their hands clasped, swinging back and forth between them, Finn looked over, really studying Poe.  And then something occurred to him.  Just before they got to the door, he stopped and frowned.  “Poe?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You ever been to Hargeeva?”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> **Thank you for reading!**
> 
>  
> 
> As always, I appreciate all comments and kudos.


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